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Old 28-06-2003, 03:00 PM
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GhostDog GhostDog is offline
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Ten Tips for Making a Website that Sucks

This is what happes when you are googling for easy webdesign solutions.

Ripped from: http://www.gearfactory.net/sitesucks.php

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Ten Tips for Making a Website that Sucks
3 November 2002 by Will Boyd

Some websites on the Internet are so utterly horrible that one can only gaze upon them with morbid curiosity and wonder how the "webmaster" was able to create such a frightening monstrosity. Now you too can be a masterful creator of such crap! It takes an incredible lack of skill to create a website that truly sucks, but with the help of these ten tips, you'll be well on your way to creating something that will scare the sins out of small children.

Tip #1:

Make sure that your site always has an "under construction" sign on it, preferably in the form of an ugly distorted animated GIF. Most people really do believe that the Internet is a static entity that never changes. Using an "under construction" sign assures your visitors that it is indeed possible for a website to be updated.

Tip #2:

Load time is a direct indicator of how much content your website has. Therefore, it is always best to place as many huge bandwidth-swallowing images on your website as possible. Never bother to optimize or crop an image. Doing so is similar to throwing out the egg shells when making a cake. Remember, you want as much useless crap as possible!

Tip #3:

Grating background noise is a great addition to any website that sucks. MIDI songs are perfect for this. Be sure to pick a really damn annoying MIDI that is painfully loud and disturbing. Make sure you loop it so the fun never ends.

Tip #4:

Page transitions really help to add flavor to a site. There's nothing a visitor wants more than to sit and watch a painfully slow page transition every time they go to a new page. Better yet, every time they use the back button to try and escape your hell hole of a site, they have to watch the page transitions again! Bonus nachos!

Tip #5:

If you want to be really cute and original, make sure you spell every word wrong. If you use Word to write the text for your site, make sure every single word has a red line under it. Strive for stupid punctuation or alphanumeric representation of simple English words. Here are some examples to study:

"Cool dudes" = "k3wl d00dz!!! B-)"
"Girls rule boys drool" = "~GRRLZ RUL3 BOIZ DROOL!!!~"

Tip #6:

Picking the appropriate background image is crucial. It must be as bright and distracting as possible. The goal is to immediately blind half the people that visit your site. Psychedelic neon tie-dye backgrounds work well when used in combination with bright neon text. Large pictures of Britney Spears and/or your favorite Backstreet Boy also work well.

Tip #7:

Total strangers really do care about who your friends are. Honest. There is nothing more in this world they would rather know than who you are best friends forever with. A whole website filled with such riveting information is your ticket to the best worst website possible.

Tip #8:

Updates to your site should never actually improve your website in any form or fashion, but rather just add more crap to it. There are two main forms of crap that you can add. The first is a really stupid bit of information, such as "my favorite color is lavender" or "my cat's name is Cat." The second form is to add more "content" (please refer back to tip #2).

Tip #9:

Formatting your pages so that they look better is a big no-no. Everything on your site should be centered straight down the page. All text should be in the default Times New Roman font. Never use colored text to enhance readability or improve link colors. You may, however, make all your text bright neon green. The only "formatting tool" you may use is a divider. The bigger and tackier the divider, the better. Each page must have at least 10 such dividers.

Tip #10:

And finally, the most important tip to remember when giving your website that this-site-blows look is to use animated GIFs like there is no tomorrow. This is the most effective way to make people actually fear the hideousness of your site. Any and all animated GIFs you find must be placed on your website, regardless of whether or not they have anything at all do with your site. Advanced losers can distort the GIFs so that they are even uglier. Really advanced losers can actually tile animated GIFs for their background image for the ultimate in suckiness.

Now that you know the tricks, it's time for some examples. Of course, the best place to look for embarrassingly horrible websites is at Geocities! Enjoy!

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Old 28-06-2003, 06:27 PM
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Yeah man, I know what you're talkin' about. I've been there. I've done that.

You forget tomention those darn website which use falsh animation when some of us have very slow computers and very slow dial up connections.
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Old 28-06-2003, 06:48 PM
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simeonbubblegum simeonbubblegum is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mosquito
You forget tomention those darn website which use falsh animation when some of us have very slow computers and very slow dial up connections.
And some of us don't even have flash plugin! I have seen sites made with flash only!
 

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