View Full Version : Resignation Notice


J2theIZZO
30-09-2002, 10:00 AM
As I'm leaving my job soon, I was looking around the net for funny resignation notices so I could steal them and leave with a bang (I don't need a reference). Anyway I found this one on a joke page and found it rather amusing so I thought I'd share it with you.

Mr Baker


As an employee of an institution of higher education, I have a few very
basic expectations. Chief among these is that my direct superiors have an
intellect that ranges above the common ground squirrel. After your
consistent and annoying harassment of myself and my co-workers during the
commission of our duties, I can only surmise that you are one of the few
true genetic wastes of our time.


Asking me, a network administrator, to explain every little nuance of
everything I do each time you happen to stroll into my office is not only
a
waste of time, but also a waste of precious oxygen. I was hired because I
know about Unix, and you were apparently hired to provide amusement to
myself and other employees, who watch you vainly attempt to understand the
concept of "cut and paste" for the hundredth time.


You will never understand computers. Something as incredibly simple as
binary still gives you too many options. You will also never understand
why
people hate you, but I am going to try and explain it to you, even though
I
am sure this will be just as effective as telling you what an IP is.


Your shiny new iMac has more personality than you ever will. You walk
around the building all day, shiftlessly looking for fault in others. You
have a sharp dressed useless look about you that may have worked for your
interview, but now that you actually have responsibility, you pawn it off
on overworked staff, hoping their talent will cover for your glaring
ineptitude. In a world of managerial evolution, you are the blue-green
algae
that everyone else eats and laughs at. Managers like you are a sad proof
of
the Dilbert principle. Seeing as this situation is unlikely to change
without you getting a full frontal lobotomy reversal, I am forced to
tender
my resignation, however I have a few parting thoughts.


1. When someone calls you in reference to my employment, it is illegal to
give me a bad recommendation. The most you can say to hurt me is "I prefer
not to comment." I will have friends randomly call you over the next
couple
of years to keep you honest, because I know you would be unable to do it
on
your own.


2. I have all the passwords to every account on the system, and I know
every
password you have used for the last five years. If you decide to get cute,
I
am going to publish your "favourites list", which I conveniently saved
when
you made me "back up" your useless files. I do believe that terms like
"Lolita" are not usually viewed favourably by the administration.


3. When you borrowed the digital camera to "take pictures of your mothers
b-day", you neglected to mention that you were going to take pictures of
yourself in the mirror nude. Then you forgot to erase them like the
techno-moron you really are. Suffice it to say I have never seen such odd
acts with a ketchup bottle, but I assure you that those have been copied
and
kept in safe places pending the authoring of a glowing letter of
recommendation. (Try to use a spell check please, I hate having to correct
your mistakes.)


Thank you for your time, and I expect the letter of recommendation on my
desk by 8:00 am tomorrow. One word of this to anybody, and all of your
little twisted repugnant obsessions will be open to the public. Never
f***
with your systems administrators, because they know what you do with all
your free time.


Sincerely,


Ted Brewer

TANKERx
30-09-2002, 12:03 PM
If I ever get the testiculars to write a cheeky resignation letter, it'll be based on Patrick McGoohan's character from The Village. SImply put, it would contain;



I Resign




And if they really want to know why I resign, they can send me to a village on the North Wales coast (near Italy, but connected to Dover via a tunnel) and I still won't tell them! No! I am not a number! I am a free man!

J2theIZZO
30-09-2002, 12:20 PM
I like it, short, but to the point.